i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
