rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He shit in the fireplace
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