Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
