I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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