I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
