I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
