Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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