I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
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It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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