I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
