Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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