yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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