I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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