Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
