i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
