forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
