dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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