It's like a parade of train wrecks.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
