btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
