I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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