i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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