mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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