So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
