My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't deserve a penis
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
