I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You ruined the universe
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
