and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
