what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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