Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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