help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
