I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
