the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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