Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
