In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
