Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
