Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
