I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
