i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
