Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
