Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
