whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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