I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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