I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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