SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
