If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
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