So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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