I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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