I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
