What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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