Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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