You're so nebulous sometimes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
