miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
