Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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