Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
