I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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