It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
