I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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