even my farts smell like vagina
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
