Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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