Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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