dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
