every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
