i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
