there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
