I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
