You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
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Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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