Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
