how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize