Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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