No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
