guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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