Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
