I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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