ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
