my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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