you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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