So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
