Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
