i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
